Articles & PresentationsCo-workers from hell should grow up "We tend to push until we get pushed back, says psychologist Dr. Robert Unger. “It’s not abnormal behaviour. It’s human nature,” he adds. Unger cities the examples of a toddler who throws an item out of a crib and whose parents repeatedly pick it up. “It’s the same with a toddler who falls lightly and who cries when an adult notices. Soon they learn how to get attention,” he says. As we mature, we continue to test the limits, he explains. Perpetrators, however, aren’t entirely to blame for rubbing colleagues the wrong way, Unger says. “It takes two,” he explains. “In essence, someone will push if you allow them to.” He concedes, however, that some situations aren’t as cut-and-dried- as “just push back.” “Sometimes, it’s the intensity that we’re required to feel to push back that makes the situation untenable,” he says. “It’s like you have to hit somebody with a two-by-four to get through to them.” The sparks really start to fly if a person is a light pusher, and the person who’s coming on to them needs a big push back. “If somebody is eating your cookies and you don’t like it, that person will never learn unless you come down fairly hard on them,” Unger says. He suggests talking to the person about the problem, and if it persists, to talk informally to a supervisor on the issue. The supervisor should have a heart-to-heart talk with the person and revisit the issue about two or three weeks later to find out how things are going. Unger gets referrals from spouses, employers and insurance companies because of problems associated with “problem” employees. “It could be from a spouse who notices the restlessness or sleep problems associated with what’s happening at work, or the insurance companies that want answers when they have to cover off benefits when the issue causes somebody to go on disability.” Hey, baby, nice assets "What fuels these dynamics of desire or need? They seem mutually exclusive but they really aren’t. In many cases, furthermore, they work only on observable, often superficial levels, in the short term, explains Dr. Robert Unger, a London, Ont., Psychologist and registered marriage and family therapist. “even though men and women look for different things, psychologically, they’re seeking the same thing – security and contentment,” he states. "Being with an attractive women gives a man a sense of security and status, if he believes that’s important. He’s achieved the status of being selected by an attractive woman.” When you compare the male focus on physical assets and the female focus on fiscal assets, “both are the same in terms of satisfying the perceived needs of that individual at that point in time.” Unger continues, “But when or if each individual grows and matures, the situation can change. And if each individual’s needs change, the relationship can terminate. “Love is insufficient to guarantee a good relationship.” Parents continue protest over Tories’ Bill 160 "TV Ontario will run a half hour special about the effects of the teacher strike on both teachers and students, featuring psychologist Robert Unger of London, Ont. I asked him for some practical tips for OAC students (the final year for university–bound students) concerned about having missed two weeks of school. Unger says students who are worried they will be at a disadvantage compared to university applicants from other provinces should call the universities they are interested in and ask if there will be any ripple effect. “The biggest cause of anxiety is not knowing the facts, so families should end the uncertainty by simply calling or e-mailing the admissions office of the university they’re considering , and ask: ‘What effect, if any, would you expect this two week strike to have on my application? If you do anticipate a problem, what can I do to reduce the impact?’ “The student might also check with their guidance counselor to find out whether extra homework is needed.” In general, Unger encourages parents to make sure household rules and routines for homework are in place. "
Now for something completely different "According to Robert Unger, a Toronto psychologist specializing in stress and burnout, those experiencing a crisis typically spend six months to a year denying they’re suffering. “They blame their staff, the company, the economy, the wife and the kids,” he says. But finding someone to blame and making a few superficial changes doesn’t solve the problem. “If they don’t change the basic unhappiness, they go into a downward spiral,” he says. They may cast about for a new home, a new job, a new woman. “It’s painful, but it’s a mistake to see the pain as something bad and unnatural, and try to deny that it’s happening, says Unger. “Discontent and disappointment are required in order for change to occur. Until you have the discomfort, you’re not going to change it.” |
Dr. Robert Unger
201-186 Albert St.
London, ON,
Canada N6A 1M1
519-660-4811
